I have had some interesting responses from three friends concerning my last post. One distant friend implied that I was being selfish and had ego. That this experience was for him, to teach him something. I thought to myself, "What? To perfect lying?"
None the less, as I was reading my guidebook this morning I came across a section on bitterness.
"Suffering does not automatically make a person stronger or better. The way you respond to suffering determines whether that hurt makes you better or bitter."
- The Woman's Study Bible (Nelson)
So I have made a choice to accept that I am disappointed, acknowledge the hurt and to forgive him. Also to forgive myself. Because I am so hard on myself. Today is a new day, and I am determined to have joy and not let it be taken from me.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Blinded by Your Own Wants and Desires
I have a confession-- I have been untrue to myself. The last four months I was so caught up in making a relationship happen that I neglected myself. I didn't listen to the Holy Spirit when he spoke (ever so gently, because He is a gentleman). The result of not listening has caused some pain.
I was deceived. Yet, there were warning signs that I didn't pay attention to. I feel like I have been here before, this place called hurt by a failed attempt at a relationship. Maybe I had to repeat it because I didn't learn the lesson many years ago.
If I sit still too long I begin to go over all the words he spoke, the actions he took and I get angry and sad, because the bottom line is, he lied to me. Does it make sense to say the lie hurts more than the deception? Or are they one in the same?
A man of integrity, I need to find out what that looks like. because maybe if I can see what he looks like, I'll have hope. So my heart won't get hardened and my speech won't be bitter.
This is not a diary of a mad black women, but I must admit thoughts of causing pain have crossed my mind. Then I remember God is my justifier.
Defined by thefreedictionary.com as
n. 1. One who justifies; one who vindicates, supports, defends, or absolves.
- Strype.
That he might be just, and the justifier of him which believeth in Jesus.
- Rom. iii. 26.
Tru
I was deceived. Yet, there were warning signs that I didn't pay attention to. I feel like I have been here before, this place called hurt by a failed attempt at a relationship. Maybe I had to repeat it because I didn't learn the lesson many years ago.
If I sit still too long I begin to go over all the words he spoke, the actions he took and I get angry and sad, because the bottom line is, he lied to me. Does it make sense to say the lie hurts more than the deception? Or are they one in the same?
A man of integrity, I need to find out what that looks like. because maybe if I can see what he looks like, I'll have hope. So my heart won't get hardened and my speech won't be bitter.
This is not a diary of a mad black women, but I must admit thoughts of causing pain have crossed my mind. Then I remember God is my justifier.
Defined by thefreedictionary.com as
n. 1. One who justifies; one who vindicates, supports, defends, or absolves.
- Strype.
That he might be just, and the justifier of him which believeth in Jesus.
- Rom. iii. 26.
Tru
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